With Barbarians at Gates, Pols Need Your Money Now!

If you’re the kinda plugged-in guy I am, the kinda guy in regular contact with bigwigs and middlewigs from D. C.,  right now your e-mail is bulging with pleas and cajolings and apocalyptic warnings from both political parties, all howling about the post-Halloween nightmare to come IF YOU DON’T SEND MONEY NOW. A few excerpts from today’s pleaders with my insider replies:

Barack Obama: [He always calls me “Charles.”]

Charles, this may be our toughest fight yet. So next week, just days before the elections, I want to meet three supporters like you backstage at a rally in Las Vegas — one of the last big rallies of this campaign.

Please make a $3 donation now to be automatically entered to win a trip to be at my side at the rally in Vegas.

Cheap at half the price.

Paul Begala: If we lose November 2, we’ll be pining for the good old days, when Sarah Palin was the most extreme figure on the right. Seriously, these candidates make Sarah Palin look like Mary Poppins. The Tea Partiers and their right-wing third-party donors have been pummeling our candidates with their million-dollar ad buys. But we’ve not only managed to survive, we’ve been coming back with a vengeance. And it’s all because of you.

Backatcha, Paulie!

Michelle Obama: [Again with the “Charles.” Nice touch; doesn’t presume too much familiarity.]

Charles –When Barack got back from a recent campaign swing, he couldn’t stop talking about how every supporter he met was fired up. From amazing crowds at his rallies with great candidates like Harry Reid and Barbara Boxer to meeting some of the volunteers who are part of this effort, he couldn’t be prouder of what you’re doing.

Well, Jeez, Michelle, I gotta admit it: I’ve got Harry Reid Fever! Yep, burning with it! On fire!

J. B. Poersch [You know J. B., right? No? Oh. . .]

We have a real shot at winning Alaska with polls showing we’re now ahead of the Tea Party candidate. This would be a major blow to Sarah Palin (I’m told you can see Russia from her house) and the Tea Party, who expected to waltz to victory. But because it’s such a late-breaking opportunity, it wasn’t in our budget. Although we can pull this off if we get $175,000 in the door today. We’ve got the ads on the air and the turnout operation on the ground. This win would be huge.

J. B. –is  there a money-back guarantee?

Mike Huckabee:

When you wake up on November 3rd, will you be able to say that you did everything you could to stop the Obama Democrats’ leftist agenda and return American government to the American people?

Not sure, Mike. We’ve got all this World Series stuff that’s keeping me up late at night. I may only be able to do “a few things” or “one or two things” to stop the Obama Democrats’ leftish agenda and return American government to the American people. But I love it when you play bass with the Little Rockers!

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